Molly J. Ringwraith ([info]mollyringwraith) wrote,
2004-06-19 17:41:00
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Perviest lines written by Tolkien!

Sure, we all snicker when movie-Saruman says "You will taste man-flesh!", or when movie-Aragorn says "You said you would bind yourself to me." But PJ, Fran, and Philippa weren't the only ones to write pervy-sounding lines. No; as [info]teasel has been noticing lately when perusing LOTR, Tolkien himself wrote lots of lines that sound naughty when you take them out of context. This has turned into a hilarious discussion, and you might want to check it out, as some people have written ficlets based on these lines, in the comments.

But if you just want the current list of lines, here they are. Feel free to add more!

---

Just why Mr. Frodo was selling his beautiful hole was even more debatable than the price.

"I would have begged you to come," said Frodo.

Frodo was roused by Sam.

'Master Merry's being squeezed in a crack!'

He stroked it gently and then he blushed and turned hastily away.

'Lie flat and still!' hissed Aragorn, pulling Sam down into the shade of a holly bush.

The two hobbits, unabashed, set to a second time. 'Maybe, if we had not arrived, you would already have been keeping each other company again.'

Driven by some impulse he did not understand, Pippin walked softly to where Gandalf lay.

Sam ran to Frodo and picked him up and carried him out the door.

Frodo stirred and opened his eyes and smiled, seeing Sam's face bending over him.

Gently he stripped off Frodo's old jacket and worn tunic, and gave a gasp of wonder.

He led Frodo back to his own little room.

'Coming, sir!' came the answer from far within, followed soon by Sam himself, wiping his mouth.

'I don't like this at all,' Sam panted just behind.

As soon as Strider had roused them all, he led the way to their bedrooms.

Sam, clinging to Frodo's arm, collapsed on a step in the black darkness.

'Frodo! Mr. Frodo, my dear!' cried Sam, tears almost blinding him. 'It's Sam, I've come!'

'You're not dreaming at all, Master,' said Sam. 'It's real. It's me. I've come.'

Merry: 'All right, I'll tackle Strider by the camp-fire: he's less testy.'
Tags: lord of the rings, parody by me, parody by others, perviness

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  • 31 comments

Anonymous

June 19 2004, 18:06:40 UTC 7 years ago

Oh gosh!

I've been re-reading FotR... I couldn't help notice some pervy lines even before your prompt ;)

...Frodo is in Rivendell in bed just after the attack from the Witch King. He is talking to Gandalf... ('Fond' is seriously italicized)
"I am glad," said Frodo. "For I have become very fond of Strider. Well, fond is not the right word.


"You look splendid," he said aloud [Gandalf to Frodo].

At that moment there was a knowck on the door, and Sam came in. He ran to Frodo and took his left hand, awkwardly and shyly. He stroked it gently and then he blushed and turned hasatily away.
"Hullo, Sam!" said Frodo.
"It's warm!" said Sam. "Meaning your hand, Mr Frodo...."<

Hehe.

Anonymous

June 21 2004, 11:42:11 UTC 7 years ago

Re: Oh gosh!

Me again: more pervy lines.

Sam lay rolled in blankets beside Frodo.

"I felt something in my sleep..."

"What do you think?" asked Boromir eagerly, leaning from his boat, as if he were trying to catch a glimpse of Frodo's face.

His eyes were shining and his face eager. [Boromir]

Well, lots of stuff to muse about with Boromir and Frodo's "relationship." Actually, when I was reading FotR, I found several instances of Boromir looking at Frodo. I know it's because he wants the Ring, but, heh, one could take it the wrong way ;) Frodo/Boromir would be a good slash story... and there is good backup evidence in the book!! ;)

[info]mollyringwraith

7 years ago

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[info]dinenxfaer

June 19 2004, 18:08:01 UTC 7 years ago

OMG, I've never even noticed that before! Now I'll have to re-read everything!!! LOL

[info]atalantapendrag

June 19 2004, 18:18:10 UTC 7 years ago

Merry: 'All right, I'll tackle Strider by the camp-fire: he's less testy.'


'Testy' is always good for a sophmoric giggle.

[info]gangstaduck

June 19 2004, 18:21:04 UTC 7 years ago

Gently he stripped off Frodo's old jacket and worn tunic, and gave a gasp of wonder.

Oh lord, that has given me delightfully dirty thoughts ;)

[info]_honeyspider

June 19 2004, 18:33:36 UTC 7 years ago

'Coming, sir!' came the answer from far within, followed soon by Sam himself, wiping his mouth.

*laughs* My god!

[info]cutesiness

June 19 2004, 18:53:45 UTC 7 years ago

'Lie flat and still!' hissed Aragorn, pulling Sam down into the shade of a holly bush.

*dies*

[info]losile

June 19 2004, 18:55:19 UTC 7 years ago

>_< I doubt my mind shall ever fully recover...

[info]aravishermione

June 19 2004, 19:02:39 UTC 7 years ago

Those are hilarious! Thanks for posting!

[info]pretteangel

June 19 2004, 19:57:31 UTC 7 years ago

They rode on through sunset, and slow dusk, and gathering night. When at last they halted and dismounted, even Aragorn was stiff and weary. Gandalf only allowed them a few hours' rest. Legolas and Gimli slept, and Aragorn lay flat, stretched upon his back; but Gandalf stood, leaning on his staff

Gandalf took Merry behind him, and Aragorn took Pippin.

[info]mariole

June 20 2004, 07:54:43 UTC 7 years ago

Gandalf took Merry behind him, and Aragorn took Pippin.

LOL! *adds this to the list*

[info]mollyringwraith

7 years ago

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[info]colorwheel

June 19 2004, 20:44:38 UTC 7 years ago

I finally saw the wonderful moment when U.K. talk show host Graham Norton shows Frolijah the website with the cheesy slash art. To be fair, Frolijah brings up the subject himself; and at first he seems thrilled; and then at some point he turns away in (delightful, heh heh) embarrassment.

If you're in the U.S, you can see this moment repeated on Comedy Central all week as they rerun this Graham Norton clip show leading up to the Thursday debut of his new American show.

[info]evil_laugher

June 21 2004, 21:27:04 UTC 7 years ago

Is that THIS week? Oh shit son! I'm gonna keep an eye out.

[info]pippin85

June 19 2004, 22:37:28 UTC 7 years ago

::chokes on broken carrot::
I love you!!

[info]honeyfitz

June 20 2004, 01:05:39 UTC 7 years ago

Got to get this in here somewhere (fnar fnar)

And in true Carry-On style, Boromir has his moment of smut at the Council of Elrond... 'He was fingering his great horn and frowning...'

[info]cold_company

June 20 2004, 18:50:31 UTC 7 years ago

Re: Got to get this in here somewhere (fnar fnar)

*wipes tea from monitor*


Must. Stop. Laughing. Need. Oxygen.


[info]mollyringwraith

7 years ago

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[info]flamingofeather

7 years ago

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[info]celtic4

June 20 2004, 01:07:09 UTC 7 years ago

*snerk*

These are too much. I LOVE THEM. :D

[info]oloriel

June 20 2004, 02:18:44 UTC 7 years ago

*gasp*
Really had a rather dirty mind, our dear professor, hadn't he...
what, you mean I'm the one with the dirty mind?

[info]anndor

June 20 2004, 14:39:20 UTC 7 years ago

I found you on the Metaquotes journal.

Can I add you as a friend? :)

[info]mollyringwraith

June 22 2004, 18:34:39 UTC 7 years ago

You needn't ask, but feel free. Welcome! :)

[info]snellios

June 21 2004, 06:54:36 UTC 7 years ago

\m/

[info]bobrhyn

June 21 2004, 20:32:34 UTC 7 years ago

'Coming, sir!' came the answer from far within, followed soon by Sam himself, wiping his mouth.

*snickers helplessly*

Oh, goodness. You, madam, are brilliant as always.

[info]rohaa

June 23 2004, 02:14:34 UTC 7 years ago

HILARIOUS! I've sent the link to all my non-LJ friends, and now they too are finally growing slash minded! Thanks! Of course I'll have to reread the books now!

[info]dermot_thegreat

June 23 2004, 09:49:31 UTC 7 years ago

Jumping on bandwagon

'Coming, sir!' came the answer from far within, followed soon by Sam himself, wiping his mouth.

The best line EVER!

I don't know if this is actual Tolkein, but I was listening to the BBC audio tapes when this line from Helms Deep made me sit up-

Legolas: I must say Gimli, I am glad you're standing by with your stout legs and your HARD... axe.

[info]thatpirategirl

July 9 2004, 20:40:38 UTC 7 years ago

LMAO, those are so great! I remember finding *this* one:

Tom put his mouth to the crack and began singing into it in a low voice. They could not catch the words, but evidently Merry was aroused.

[info]mollyringwraith

July 11 2004, 17:07:03 UTC 7 years ago

Hehe! I think I noticed that one too on the last read-through. Lord almighty...

[info]little_baldwin

August 10 2004, 15:21:40 UTC 7 years ago

Ha ha! I'm so glad this is documented!

I was sitting in show choir (it's a class, and an activity! How delightful!) and my friend was reading The Two Towers. I looked over her shoulder and read aloud. Now, this isn't the actual quote, but it was something to this degree:

Legolas sat on the wall, fingering his bow.

My friend started laughing, and we realized that most of the page could be taken out of context. Oh, how Professor has messed with us all...

I like you. *glomp*
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